People always say one of the stages of grief is anger. Although I think that’s true, I think anger is one of the stages of life. You don’t have to be grieving something to be angry, and it’s a feeling all of us experience at some point in time. Through all of this, so many people compliment me on my positive attitude and how well I’m adjusting, which I appreciate so very much. But sometimes, it’s really hard to not be angry.
I get angry that any of this had to happen in the first place, that I can no longer walk or feel the things I used to take for granted. I get angry that other people are able to go on and live the life they always wanted to, while I sit here, a constant reminder to myself of everything that has changed. I get angry I can no longer have the career I had always wanted and worked so hard to be able to do. I get angry.
Anger is an interesting emotion and so is how you choose to deal with it. Anger can do some pretty terrible things to your mind and to those around you if you let it consume you. It can break your spirit. It can break your motivation. It can break you down to tears and sometimes that’s just what happens. Sometimes that’s just what happens at the most inopportune times, like when you’re in the standing frame at therapy and have to try to quickly hide it. Sometimes crawling in bed and sleeping the day away sounds like the only way to make it through.
I started one of my days this week like this and it stinks, it really, really, stinks. But it’s all about how you decide to use the anger right? I tend to exercise and/or write…but sometimes even that won’t touch the pain. So this time, Mom and I played hooky. We took a day and played hooky from life. I’ve never actually played hooky before (I’m one of those crazy, nerdy, studious kids…) but it was pretty awesome.
We went out browsing which turned into shopping and got a pretty good laugh because of it. You see, there was a lady who was walking with her shopping cart between aisles. I turned the corner of an aisle at least 15 feet in front of her and she got one glimpse of me and rammed her cart into the nearest shelf. To be honest, I can’t believe she didn’t knock something off with how hard she ran into it before quickly walking away. The look on her face was a mixture of shock and fear, I call it the “don’t-get-close-to-me-so-I-don’t-catch-your-terrible-disease” face. I started laughing and Mom joined in. I told Mom I know I’m gorgeous, but I didn’t realize I was that good looking. That only made her laugh harder…I don’t think she realizes I’m being serious:D
Sometimes it’s hard to not be angry. Sometimes it’s hard to handle what’s going on in life. But sometimes it’s good to just let it all go, recharge, and (if you can) just play hooky from life for a day.
P.S. So we did end up at Costco and yep, we’re all stocked up on toilet paper….good work Mom…*facepalm*