Change (verb)

change (verb): to undergo substitution, transformation, or transition

Change. It’s such a simple word, right? I mean, heck it’s only one syllable and it’s definition isn’t even 10 words long. Change your clothes. Change your attitude. Change lanes and on and on and on. We throw the word around without ever thinking twice…at least I know I do.

Then why is change so challenging? Why is change so uncomfortable for so many, if not all of us? Why?

I guess it’s really no secret that I’ve experienced my fair share of change in the past few months. Heck, I’ve probably dealt with more change since May then I have in my entire 21 years of life prior. Let’s just say I can connect with the entire definition of change pretty easily…

Substitution (noun): the act of substituting or replacing one person or thing with another
I’ve substituted out my legs for my spiffy lime green wheelchair. Some substitutions are truthfully no fun to make, especially in the beginning. I think of the good ole’ Green Bay Packers having Flynn serve as the substitute for Rodgers. The substitution is often very different from the original (and in the Packer’s case, not nearly as attractive) and complaints are inevitable. But you make it work, you deal with it. We still won this weeks game (miraculously…) and I’m still moving around town doing all the things I want to do, just differently.

Transformation (noun): a complete or major change in someone’s or something’s appearance, form, etc.
Ummmm, yea. I think this pretty much goes without much of an explanation…I mean, I used to be 6 feet tall without wheels attached to my booty and now I’m a mere 4.5 feet (ish) with a few extra curves made of rubber. I always loved being tall, but now I just say I’m compacted awesome. Legit right?

This dude (Shrek the sheep) underwent quite the transformation when he was sheared...

This dude (Shrek the sheep) underwent quite the transformation when he was sheared…

 Transition (noun): passage from one state, stage, subject, or place to another
So in my mind, I think this is where change gets hard. I mean the other things, they just happen. It’s done. It’s over with. You move on. But transition, it’s that awkward in between stage, like the puberty of life or something ridiculous like that. Okay that probably doesn’t make any sense. Hmmmmm….I mean, transitions are even an important part of triathlons to the point that athletes actually practice them. Side note: I went to a local triathlon club meeting today and it was way awesome. Someday, I will do a triathlon, just so you know:D

I guess when you’re in that time of transition, it’s like your experiencing both things at once. Your dealing with the thoughts and feelings of what was while trying to move on to what will be. That “will be” is so unpredictable. I mean, how do we know how it’s going to end up? How do we know if the “will be” is going to be as good as the “what was.” And you know, it’s hard to let go of the “what was.” I’m terrified of forgetting what it was like to walk. I’m terrified of forgetting the feeling of denim rubbing against my legs. I’m just terrified to let go of the “what was.” I guess I don’t know if  letting go is something I need to do to move on, or if I can still keep it all as a special memory tucked away that hopefully doesn’t fade with time. Transitions make change hard.

Changing seasons...I find it breath taking...

Changing seasons…I find it breath taking…

Change happens to all of us. Sometimes it’s all up to us and the change is our choice, where as other times it just happens and we can’t do anything but try to live on.  Change isn’t always pretty, honestly I think it’s a pretty messy business but change is a part of life. And sometimes, change is a beautiful part of life.

2 thoughts on “Change (verb)

  1. Jeanne LaMoore says:

    I love so many things about you that haven’t changed, Sam. Your beauty (inner & outward), your intelligence, your sense of humor, your positive attitude, your unique self . . . thank you for continuing to write. It’s always so nice to hear from you.

  2. Andrew says:

    Oh Sam. It’s so hard, this transition. And it doesn’t end. Ironically, I was dreaming about movement last night but I can’t remember how I was moving. I used to dream of walking but rarely do now. And I miss that, along with the feeling of denim on my legs and sand under my feet. I’m still not used to it, I still miss it, seven years on. Life is different to what was, better in some ways, worse in others. Just keep writing so powerfully about it, keep sharing. Just keep trying to live in the moment & accept that change is the only constant.

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