So it was a pretty crazy weekend, pretty full of people to see who I haven’t seen in a long time (some since before my injury) and things to do. I mean, I expected just as much for the weekend of my crazy party/benefit, but man, I had no idea all that I should have been preparing myself for.
It was a great night, so many smiling faces and supportive hugs. Seeing everyone meant the world to me. My talk went well, even though I was ridiculously nervous and probably said some stupid things, but I’m pretty good at saying stupid things (I tell Mom that it’s because it’s hereditary…I don’t know why she still loves me…). Anyways, my speech was recorded, so once it’s up online, I’ll make sure to post the link if you’d like to hear it.
You know, the more I think about it, it also was a night to start over, to let it all go. To let go of what was and look forward to what is. I guess that sounds dumb…hmmmm….
You know how sometimes you hold on to things? You hold on to precious trinkets from the past. You hold on to memories. You hold on to feelings. Heck, sometimes you don’t even realize you’re still holding on to those things. Sometimes you don’t even realize it until those things are literally staring you in face.
Somethings are worth holding on to. I’ll be the first to say I understand how precious certain memories are. I have a collection of them now that I don’t ever want to let go of. Like my memory of crossing the finish line of my first half marathon, heart pounding and legs exhausted. Like my memory of being knee deep in straw, assisting in the birth of a beautiful little lamb. The thought of letting go or forgetting those things terrifies me, but a friend once told me I wouldn’t be forgetting, I would just be putting those things in hibernation for awhile.
But some things you just need to let go of. Some things really aren’t worth holding on to.
As humans, we only have so much space for things. There is only so much space for the things we keep in our homes just like there is only so much room for the thoughts and feelings we keep in our minds and hearts. It really is up to us what we want to occupy those spaces.
There have been a lot of things in my head and heart since all of this happened, a lot of things I thought I had dealt with and never realized I actually hadn’t. It was like my own strange form of spinal cord injury baggage. And just like unpacking in real life is work, so is unpacking all that figurative baggage I had collected. I’m sure some things never got unpacked and instead are stuffed into the closet to find later, but I feel good. This feels good.
It feels so good to let it go. To let it go and just. Start. Over.
I’ve got a lot to look forward to in this crazy wonderful life I’ve been blessed with.We all have a lot to look forward to.
Why should we hold on to the negatives of our past? Why should we bother looking back.